On a Day When Anger Threatened to Consume Me

I find myself squeezing 

Into smaller

Simpler

More smiling shells. 

Shells that if cracked

Would show how fake and false

The facade has become. 

The fire of anguished and angry screams

To be seen

To be understood

Would break through

And ignite

Even the hardest of hearts. 

I shrink and wither

And dry out my already sere soul

In order for you to choke me down. 

I am palatable to your able tongue 

That eagerly takes from me the nutrients you feel you need. 

Your inspiration 

Your misguided altruism

Your pity.

You digest me into a version of myself I no longer recognize.

Into one who bestows the ever important comparison of...

At least that’s not me.

At least that’s not my problem.

I want to curdle in your coward’s stomach.

A stomach that cannot look at me for fear of the fragility of life.

And of bodies. 

My body is enough.

As I slowly crack and break the shell I have built

The shell you also have built for me. 

I will turn the fire underneath to brilliance.

I will nourish and inspire my own soul.

I will slake its thirst. 

And for those who cannot bear witness to

This brilliance 

This largeness 

This full immensity of being. 

I return to you your pity.